Day Yoga Studio Ayurvedic Massage

So I had a lucky weekend. A few things happened. One was that Devon Schmidt of Day Yoga Studio needed volunteers for a class she teaches in Dayton, Ohio. I got one of two spots and had an Ayurvedic Massage on Sunday. It was very healing and spiritual. Thank you Devon and Team. I feel the Divine Feminine in your shop and business. I hope it brings you all many blessings as you work to heal people holistically. 

I have gotten a few massages in my life. Honestly, I am not a huge fan all of the time. I am kinda old fashioned, so it is always kinda awkward to have anyone touching me. And deep tissue massages although sometimes do feel great, sometimes they don't. But this massage was totally not like that. I have been going through a ton of stress lately, so I just thought, hey this might help me, and it really did. 

An Ayurvedic Massage is four handed, so there were two women working on me. They started with my feet and worked all the way up to my head and hair. I had to wear my hair down actually. They put Sesame Oil from my toes to my crown. And they worked in unison on both sides of my body. It was not a deep tissue massage at all. It was more a cleansing and healing one. They did repetitions, for example fanning out the massage in an area, in either units of ten or three. They did tickle my toes a bit at the beginning, but I am ticklish.  They even put the Sesame Oil in my crazy, curly, Irish hair, which if you know it, could always use some oil.  First, I laid on my stomach and put my head through the face holder thing at the end of the table. Then I flipped over about half way through. The second part also they worked on my stomach and digestive health.  The entire massage took about sixty minutes, but I walked out feeling so healthy and rejuvenated. They also had me put oil in my nose. Oil is a big part of Ayurvedic Massage I learned. I definitely felt that these women were helping not only my body, but also my spirit and my soul. 

Day Yoga Studio is just a gem. It was my first time there, but it won't be my last. Many of my friends take Yoga and Hot Yoga there. A few friends have taught there. Devon also takes Yoga trips across the globe. What an incredible business in Dayton, Ohio. It is on Brown Street near the University of Dayton. It is one of the old fashioned Dayton homes turned business. The massage room is my favorite color - purple - like a purply blue. You are covered by sheets and blankets the entire time, so that made me feel very comfortable. The sheets were very soft. It was warm in there, like a mother's love.

All in all, this was one of the luckiest events of my life. Thanks Devon and Day Yoga Studio! Namaste. The Divine Feminine is apparent in this business model and only karmic benefits should follow with the love you are putting in the Universe. 

70x7

So I am in another situation where I am having to find the inner strength to forgive someone for hurting me. 

This is when I turn to my faith. We are taught that God forgives us for our sins. I hope so. No one is perfect. We all have times in our life when we ourselves need forgiveness. 

My Godmother taught me a Bible passage: 

Matthew 18:21-23

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.

So, I will work on forgiving this person. It is freeing to do so.  It is healing to do so. People makes mistakes. I just need the strength to actually forgive him now. I keep praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me on this journey. Things take time. 

So basically I must be Marge Simpson

 So I was married to Homer and just broke up with Mr. Burns. What is wrong with me? I'm just kidding, sort of. I loved both these men obviously. But see The Simpsons captures so many truths about humanity.  And it is so funny. 

See, I am a Simpsons fanatic, so much so that I even teach a class on it. When I teach the class, I always tell my students, God has a sense of humor. 

But this show is just so hilarious to me for so many reasons. It is no wonder it is the longest running show in American history. 

In my college course, we look at the show through four academic lenses. Obviously English Studies. The other three disciplines are Religious Studies, Philosophy, and Psychology. 

Some Simpsons facts I have learned over the years that I never knew before, even though I am sure we watched Simpsons every night of my college career:

1) The Simpsons talks about Religion more than any other show on television. One of my absolute favorite episodes is when Bart gets sent to Catholic School, and Homer and Bart convert to Catholicism against Marge’s disapproval. Jesus is in the Catholic heaven with Michael Flattley and his Riverdance crew and Mexicans :)!

2) Many of the original writers, one of whom was Conan O'Brien, were Ivy League educated. They intentionally write jokes for the one percent who get them. 

3) And yes the Simpson predicted Trump would run for office - actors, elevator, Melania, and all.

4) And there is that bizarre 9/11 comic book cover. Maybe Matt Groening can actually time travel.  I don’t actually believe that. I think he and the writers just keep paying attention to what is actually happening in our bizarre society.

I personally love The Simpsons because of its brilliant critique of American Capitalism. 

Anyway, I just think that the Simpsons is brilliant. I always thought I was more like Lisa, but maybe I am actually more of a Marge. And I love Marge. Heck she created Lisa. 

Marge is a great woman. She stands by her man. She’s moral. She loves her children. She is a devoted mother and wife and sister. 

See nothing to me is more attractive than intelligence and a sense of humor. And I could not make it through life without laughter. 

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."

Long live Bart. Eat my shorts man (or men)!

I thought I was broke ... but turned out I wasn't

So today was a happy day. See I am a single mom of three kids, one of whom just started college. I had a ton of expenses this past month. We had a kick-ass vacation, all four of us needed glasses/contacts, and school started back. We all needed supplies, especially my daughter who moved to college. So, I have been a little cash strapped as of late. But today I realized I had more money than I thought the whole time. (Okay not a ton - still pretty broke. I am just not as broke as I originally believed.)  Driving to work I had this epiphany that maybe this actually has a spiritual meaning:  maybe people think they are broke or broken when they really aren't as bad off as they thought. 

Life sure is hard at times and can get very messy and complicated. It is easy to feel overwhelmed, especially in times like these. But maybe we all need to focus more on the positives in our lives. Martin Seligman, the once president of the American Psychological Association, researches happiness. He founded the Positive Psychology Movement. (A sidenote - he founded it at the Grateful Dead House in San Francisco - I love this little fact). He conducted experimental studies that show that we can actually increase our happiness quotient by practicing gratitude. 

He also coined the term "learned helplessness" I think. See our mindset is a malleable. We can increase our happiness or we can believe or be conditioned rather to believe that we are helpless. But really, we are not. 

So today, I am going to be grateful that I am not as broke as I thought. I am going to also take this as a symbolic event because I am not as broken as I thought either. We will survive this era. You aren't probably as broken as you thought either. Peace

Taking off the gloves

What is that saying, "Don't worry if you make waves. The moon does that all the time simply by existing."

I am just one of those people that drama seems to come into my life. I literally was hired as a drama teacher when I had only had two theater classes under my belt, and I did that for the better part of a decade. I loved that experience, but in my own life I am really ready for no drama. 

I just always wanted a normal life. I will check my own privilege. I have had a ton in life. I totally am aware of this. That does not mean life has always been easy. Is life easy for anyone? I don't think so. 

This city girl married a farm boy looking for the normal life. Well that did not work out too well. 

I have had to fight. I fought for my marriage that failed. I fought infertility and went on to have three beautiful kids. I fought very hard in public ed, where I saw the face of poverty for the first time in my life. I fought very hard to get my master's degree. I worked full time and went to school at night. I had to fight harder to get my doctorate. I taught college full time and went at night.

I have had to fight for respect at work, as I am not a tenured professor, am female, and a mother who started in higher ed without a phd at my alma mater. But recently my peers have sure given respect to me as of late. They voted me into positions. That is a huge honor.  Thank you. 

But I am sick of fighting. I am gonna heal now.

It seems like everyone in America at least is always fighting anymore. Maybe we all need to just put down our dukes for a minute and take off the boxing gloves. This is getting us nowhere fast. And I am done fighting too. I am done fighting for respect in the ivory tower. I am coming back to that we need to be happier and healthier people and the only way to do that is to love. Love unconditionally. We need to quit with the divisive, narcissistic society.  Narcissism is an epidemic. People need to stop only thinking about themselves and try walking a mile in other people's shoes. Our nation is really lacking empathy, and it is scary. 

So I for one am done fighting. I am done proving myself to anyone. That's the thing about being an older woman - you do get wiser. You actually stop caring what other people think of you because as a young woman that is all society tells us should matter. I don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore. That is all I have done my entire adult life. So over that crap. 

People can accept me for who I am. I am a flawed individual like everyone else, but I also have a lot to offer the world. And we all need to start accepting others for who they are and try to understand where each other is coming from. We need more empathy. We need more love. I'm done fighting. I'm done with other people's ridiculous expectations and drama. On to happier days of being my authentic self. The right people will be in my life, and I hopefully attract better. I have no fight left. 

Peace. 

She's Flying the Coop

Well, I was an idiot again. I didn't think this empty nest syndrome was going to affect me because my daughter is very independent, has lived with her dad for four years, and is going to the college where I work. I am already seeing more of her than I have in four years. So I just didn't think packing her up and moving her into her residence hall would affect me. 

But, it is affecting me. Empty nest syndrome is real. And I will be okay. 

My cognate in my doctoral work is in Student Development. I studied under brilliant professors in the field like Dr. Michele Welkner and Dr. Molly Schaller.  We read Kegan and Baxter-Magolda. I wrote about Self Authorship a ton for my dissertation. And I helped write the Residential Curriculum for the college I work for and it has three points - one of which is authorship. So I know a bit about this idea. And I am an author who teaches writing.

It is time now to let my baby fly and get her wings and author her own story. Now I know why my own mother prays so much. :) 

Wish us luck! 

Happy Feast of the Assumption

Campus is closed today. It is the Feast of Assumption. That is the day Mary trancended into heaven. I am usually so abustle with the beginning of the academic year that I never really take the time to focus on what this Holy Day means. But today, I am. 

I came to the University of Dayton because of the Marianist. To me, they are the most Christian people I have ever encountered. The order emerged out of France during the revolution. Of course this is where I belong. Marianst care about the earth, each other, and community. They walk in the footsteps of Christ. 

My high school was run by the Immaculate Heart of Mary nuns. I am also from a predominately female family, so Mary has just always been very important to me. And now, my daughter is going to study on this campus. That is just such a blessing. 

You know Mary had a hard, hard life. She watched them crucify her son. She had to have enduring and spotless faith to do all that God asked her to do. And she did it all with such grace. I have Protestant friends who don't really understand the Catholic devotion to Mary. We are devoted to her. God chose her as the mother of Christ. She created, carried, and raised Jesus. She watched as they killed him. She believed and endured. She had constant and unbreaking faith. A dear Jewish friend gets it. She gave me a book to read actually that was about how Mary was just a Jewish mom. She was. 

I lost my father a few years back. I had a transcendental experience on campus six days after his death on his birthday. I had always believed in Heaven, but I know that he passed over to it for sure now. That's another thing other faiths question about Catholicism - the belief in the supernatural. We do believe in miracles. Mary was one of God's biggest miracles. This is sacred and holy day. We should honor the female deity, the mother of Christ, and God's immaculate conception. Happy Feast of the Assumption. Prayers for peace all over the world. 

New beginnings

My mom said something very smart to me once. See I am a teacher. She said, "you know you are going to get so close to them and have to always say goodbye." Like most things, she is totally right. But one of the biggest blessings of teaching is that every fall it is a totally new beginning. 

I am one of those lucky, I guess, people who knew my vocation very early. I always wanted to be a teacher. And everyone always wanted me to teach. Every time I think about leaving, I get pulled back into it. Oddly, that usually comes from a former student. It is just this thing about my life. A huge blessing. Huge. But also a lot. It is my life's work. 

I love teaching. It has been very hard these last few years though. I am a little burned out. Teachers get burned out. I am not saying anything surprising or insulting. It's a tough, tough job. Go do it. We need teachers.  I just read bell hooks who agrees teachers need a break and to switch things up. This is why teachers need sabbaticals - to recharge. Geoffrey Canada also agrees. 

I am older. It is harder to get names - with the mask forget about it. Many of my students dress alike to begin with, and add in the winter hat and coat, well I am in trouble.  I also do not like online grading. Covid stink. The economy stink. Their mental health is challenging. And these politics....and the threats to this career and the curriculum...truly terrifying. Thank goodness I teach college. These public ed teachers need our support. But I digress.  See I stay in it and so do they because on some very magical days in the classroom somehow that all goes away and for approximately an hour we can get lost in the life of the mind. And that is sacred to me and the students.  

This year is another new beginning, and hopefully I will get the magic back. This year is the craziest one yet because my daughter will be on campus with me. This is really one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me. I am so glad she has decided to study on our campus. 

But man, I better be a good teacher this year then! No pressure there. 

I'm off to do an author study on Parker Palmer. Hopefully lhe will speak to me. He always does. 

So here's to new backpacks, autumn leaves, and new beginnings with brilliant students!  Have a wonderful academic year. You got this teach :)!

God Provides

So I have a diagnosed and managed anxiety disorder. I am not alone in this. I know many of my students do also. Hey - I think if you don't have one these days, you are pretty lucky - it is kind of an anxious time. Can't blame us for being human. 

But one thing  that I have learned in my 49 years on this planet is that somehow, no matter what your situation, God provides. It always somehow works out. So why do we stress? Let it go. Just let that stress go. It will work out my friend. I usually does. And if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be and God has a better plan for you. 

See this is something I am learning still, but God's time is not our time. But both God's planning and timing are way better than ours.  

I have heard the saying that anxiety is fearing the future, and depression is living in the past. I think there is some truth in that statement (sorry I do not know to whom to attribute it). I am a Christian, but I am also into Buddhism, (I mean a philosophy that says all of life is suffering must have some wisdom to it). Anyway, I am trying to be more Zen about life. I am not in control. You are not in control. The more I try to control, the worse my life seems to get. I am just trying to relinquish the reigns and let God or the Universe take over. I am trying to be more mindful and present and live in the moment. 

See, the thing about time is that it is relative. And it seems to me that the older I get, the faster it goes. I know my kids are getting bigger. I have to enjoy every moment of their childhoods that I can because they are more than half way through them, and one is an adult! I spent so much time as a mother worrying - about bills, about houses, about keeping up with the obnoxious Jones. I am done doing that. I am going to try to instead count the blessings that I have in front of me and show gratitude for them. This though is sometimes hard. But as Glennon Doyle says, "We can do hard things."

So if you are feeling anxious about the start of the school year, the economy, the politics, etc. try to let that go. Remember we are not in charge. God provides. Just let her. 

Besties

So I have been single for about five years, after being with my husband for like 21 years or something. It has been a ride. I have had a ton of fun. Too much. But one thing that has gotten me through is my group of friends. 

So I have the best friends. I don't really know what I would do without them. They are there for me through thick and thin. They don't judge. They just love me unconditionally. And for that I am so blessed. 

See, I think I have been looking at this all wrong. I like am a romatic at heart. I have always looked for this person "to complete me." I want and still want for real a Mr. Darcy, but I instead always end up with Heathcliffs or worse Wickhams.  But one thing I have learned, is that I am a full person on my own, and I don't need anyone else to complete me. I have a very full and complete life, with three beautiful children with whom I really enjoy spending time. I don't need a person to complete me. My life is beyond complete. I have a hard time keeping up with it a lot of days. 

What I do need are real friends: people who see me at my worst and love me anyway. People who don't get jealous when I am at my best either. People who celebrate my success and mourn my losses. And thank God, I have these. Some are in my family and have  been my lifelong friends. Some are from my old neighborhood. One was the best friend I ever made on Craig's List when she rented my home. Some have adopted me into their own neighborhood, where I have actually never lived. Most though, are from my church. And I have some very special people from my work. And those of you from Michigan or college, this is why I love Facebook. We are still together daily. 

Anyway, I just want you all to know that I feel very blessed if you call me your friend. I could not make it through life without you. You complete me :).  And as I get older and now am rewatching The Golden Girls for its brilliance -- Thank you for being a friend. And yes, I am like Blanche's age. Long Live Blanche Deveraux! 

Radical Love

 So it took me a decade to earn my doctorate. During that time, I also raised one toddler and had two more pregnancies and infants. I got divorced (70 percent of female PhDs do sadly), rehabbed and sold two 100 year old houses, lost my father, defended a beast of a disseration study,  helped my ex recover from a triple bypass after a heartattack, and survived just a brutal custody battle. So I got a little burned out and haven't been writing. But I am back now. I love to write, but I just needed a minute. 

So I have made a deal with myself that I have to write a blog post at least one a week for the next calendar year. I have recently sent off some articles, so that is going to equally be of importance, but the main idea of this is I just have to write. I don't care what I am writing. I am most happy and balanced in my life when I write. 

Today, I am writing about the need for radical love for this nation. I am asking anyone reading this - that means you - to embrace this concept that what America, and the entire globe for that matter, needs right now more than anything is radical love. Love thy neighbor, even if it is hard. Sometimes I know it is very hard. But we have all endured a very difficult few years with COVID, the economy, isolation, the war, the gas prices, and the political divide. We are a mess. We are all lonely. A million Americans have died. Many are isolated. We don't need any more social media or any media dividing us. It is time to come from a place of love. 

See the older I get, the more I truly believe everyone is doing the best that they can. Do we make mistakes? Heck yes. I am queen of mistakes and typos and it all. But I can tell you, that just like everyone else, I really am trying to do the best that I can all of the time. Sometimes that best is not the best. I mean I have survived a lot of trauma as of late, but I still am trying. We all are. 

So instead of seeing your fellow Americans or any global citizen for that matter as your opposition and enemy, it is time for radical love. 

Radically love them, even if they are so different than you. Because in the end, they really are not that different than you. We are all human beings doing the best that we can. We are all enduring this pandemic, this economy, and this tortuous political divide. 

So stop with the hate. It is getting us nowhere. Give love a try. I don't mean to sound cliche, but it really is the only way. It is the only way to heal this nation and world. Let love rule. 

Oh How I Wish Again that I Was in Michigan

I started this blog years ago, when Detroit was going through a hard time. I thought it needed better PR. Luckily, Detroit has made a comeback and is looking amazing. The whole state is. I just got to spend two weeks up there almost and it was fantastic. 

I started in Metro Detroit in Farmington Hills. We visited Carpenter Lake in Southfield, where there are all these boulders for people to climb. It was very cool. My son loved climbing on them, and we all loved hiking in the forest and seeing the lake. 

The next stop four more hours up 75N to Boyne Mountain. It was also amazing. We were at the Lodge for two days. My youngest son and I immediately rode the chairlift to the top of the mountain and had a drink at the Eagle's Nest. Then we explored the village. It was so fun. He found a candy store, and we had some refreshments at the pub. We both really want to move there someday.  That night, we had dinner at the Beach House near Deer Lake. I got the club sandwhich. It was yummy. It was my cousin's birthday. There was a musician playing a guitar. We intially wanted to sit outside, but it was too windy. So, we moved inside and the ambiance was lovely. We finished the night roasting s'mores on the fire near the lodge, where people also play cornhole and frisbee on the lawn. 

The next day, we took the younger kids to the Avalanche Bay water park. That was super fun. We had pizza and nachos there. We loved the lazy river, hot tub, and basketballs. Then we went to Boyne Vineyards for happy hour. That is a lovely place between Petosky and Boyne Mountain. There were the cutest dogs. I had a cider with my cousin, and others drank their wine. We ordered charcuterie boards. One of the dogs snagged a piece of our bacon. He was very sly about it. :) They had this awesome duo playing guitars,  and they even sang Willie Nelson’s "Momma's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys" —  a family favorite. 

That night we had pizza at the Trophy Room, outside on their deck. We have a gluten allergy in our family, so we were happy to be able to order Gluten free pizza! I kept running into the bar to watch The Basketball Tournament. The Red Scare was playing. 

The next day, started with ziplining. I cannot believe I did that. At 49, I ziplined for the very first time. I had watched my family do this for the past decade, but I could never go becaue I was always either pregnant or taking care of children. So this time, my kids were all finally old enough that we could all go. But I was a little scared. I turn fifty on my next birthday and have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. But my boys were not taking no for an answer. So I had to do it. I threw on my son's jeans, and did it. Wow was it amazing. 

We had an awesome guide. I think her name was Emma. Then the two other guides were amazing. One was majoring in English at Petosky Community College, and I said, hey maybe I can teach there someday! I was the only one from my generation to zipline this trip, and I really enjoyed being with my cousin's children. 

Then we went to Lake Charlevoix. We all swam and rode boats. It was a great party. Charelvoix is also beautiful. We saw Betsy DeVoss's home on the Lake. Wow. Some goregous homes. 

The next day, the boys and I drove  east across the state to Lake Huron to Presque Isle. It was equally as beautiful. There is a lighthouse there and a quaint one-stop shop. We were there four days. We went to the NOAA shipwreck museum in Alpena. That was very cool. They had the neatest earth projection movie spinning on the ceiling of an exhibit. The show was about the devastating effects of climate change. They also had this giant boat and somehow on dry land they managed to get me seasick. 

I did set a new goal from that visit. You can scubadive for shipwrecks up there. That sounds amazing to me. But I bet that is some cold water. 

We went to the beach in Presque Isle and just relaxed. I slept on a hammock. I read a book. It was just magical. I kayaked on Lake Huron. I also floated on a giant raft. It was a really beautiful week up there. We laid on the beach. I am so glad we went. 

Driving home we took the backroads down Northern Michigan until we hit 75/23. Gosh Michigan is truly beautiful. There is so much untouched natural beauty, and the water is amazing. Lake Huron was crystal clear. I did lose my Rae Dunn "Blessed" Hat in that lake, but hopefully someone will find it. 

I am very happy to be home but that was really an amazing vacation. Thanks for everyone who was a part of it. What precious memories for a lifetime. 

Time to put country over party

You know this past month has been kinda bizarre in my life. See I was born in 1973, and thank God my mom is a Catholic and is prolife because if not, I might not have been born. See that is about when abortion became legal in the United States. I was definitley an oops. I am 17 years younger than my eldest sibling and the sibling closest to may age is nine years my senior. Then I came. Ooops. And aboriton has also been legal my entire life. 

In June, when it was overturned, I went through a kind of disbelief. My friend Jamie also told me she was going through a similar depression. I think many people were. 

I was like holy crap, everything I just feared would happen to this country since 2015 has begun. See I saw this coming way back then, when Trump ran for president. I knew that the prolife voters would put him in office, as they did. I also knew he'd appoint conservative justices and that this could possibly happen, and it did. It really had happened. I was not some leftist lunatic all those years. I actually knew this was coming, and it came. I was just paying attention. People we all need to pay better attention.

See I think abortion is upsetting on many levels. Up until I was thirty, I identified as prolife. I almost protested a few times even. But then I had a student go through something before my eyes of which she had no control. Well this experienced changed me forever. I had a spiritual epiphany, and I learned I would never judge anyone on this issue ever again because sometimes I simply just had no clue and did not know what was really going on, and really, it was none of my business. 

I also teach college-aged women. One in three of them are raped. One in three: 33 percent. Mostly by people they know. This has changed me. Why in America and higher ed do we allow our women to be the most harmed by sexual violence in our country other than transgender people? (That stat is 1 in 2).  I am never going to be okay with this. Never. And I will work to change this for the rest of my life. College-aged women should not be the most harmed in our society. That is so beyond screwed up and totally shows how much work we have to do in the phallic ivory tower. 

I have been teaching for 27 years, both high school and college. Never once in my time as a teacher has any young person come to me for counsel for an unwanted pregnancy. See they know that I would say have the baby and put it up for adoption. So if they are even considering an abortion, they don't come to me. I am on facutly at a Catholic University, and even just with my Business Writing class I went off on a tangent about how abortion disproportionately  affects minorities and the racist history of Planned Parenthood and eugenics and Margaret Sanger. Sorry Feminist and liberal friends - see I told you I was a huge prolifer til 30. I know the prolife side too. And they aren't wrong on some of it. 

A sidenote Planned Parenthood should just start over with a new name like Women's Health. But I digress. 

With that said, I don't judge the women in my life who have shared their stories. Who am I to judge? I had an ectopic pregnancy at 26. We were married. I wanted this baby. It was also 9/11. There was no baby. Even the church understood this. America should then. 

Of course that changed me. I hated that that happened to me, but now I think it gives me a degree of empathy for women that I would not otherwise have. I wanted that baby. I even named him. I am not sure if it would have been a male or female, but to me I named him Michael, my favorite name.  And hopefully I have a baby in heaven. He would be 21 today. And I mourn this more than you would think, and it's been two decades. I think all women mourn a death of their child their entire life. All women. 

Anyway, I digress. So this month has been so bizarre because I've been kind of attacked. Two of my best friends literally kicked me out of a car for not supporting Trump. I was on one of my tirades about the future for women in America. And yes, I was saying that Trump put the current Supreme Court in. One said, "I will kick you the F$%* out of my car if you don't shut up." Nice friend huh? I have since found out she is very sick, so I forgive her and am praying for her. I am a real best friend.  In the days of Uber and cell phones, kicking one out of a car is not as big of a threat as it might have once been. I opened the door and just walked out onto Wilmington Pike. Why are people so angry? I'd never kick a friend out of my car for not agreeing with me politically. That is insane.  I walked to Elsa's on the Border for dinner and actually made a friend there. I got myself home safely. 

Then, the guy I was seeing heard this story, and we literally broke up over it. That's an entirely different blog post though about this heart of mine that keeps breaking. Damn you Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big. 

Then, a male I graduated from my doctoral program with whom I thought was my friend, went in total disrespect mode. I will leave it at that. In one of his tirades, he no lie screamed at me about my domestic duties. What? He said he was yelling at me about professional matters - that I should be publishing more, which I guess I am thankful for that he believes in me and is challenging and pushing me -- but then why is he bringing up my domestic duties? This is surreal stuff people. Surreal. 

And most recently I have been told that I am pro abortion and that someone else is praying that I make it to heaven. What? I am not pro abortion. I have never one time identifed myself that way or called myself that or posted about being pro abortion. Those are loaded words. In fact, true story - I couldn't vote for Obama the second time because at the DNC that year there were pro abortion signs from Planned Parenthood, and I just could never support those words. 

I do, however, believe women and children need proper healthcare. And for this I will fight. 

See this is not a black and white issue. It is not a blanket issue, where it all fits nightly under one cover. This is an extremely complicated issue, and I just do not think this one size fits all is the answer.  

This is an either or fallacy. Derrida says that language creates this. Although life is not binary, language uses the binary to explain things. But the thing is the binary is too limiting. If a person is 5 ft 6, are they tall or short? They are neither. See why the binary doesn't work. Derrida blames this on the limitations of human language. Perhaps he is right. But it's time to stop this either or binary thinking. I always tell my students, there is a lot of grey matter. Use it. It's called your brain. 

It is just too complicated. Only doctors and women and yes men together should make decisions. Yes men should have a say. Yes men should be both fathers and l dads!!!!!! The state should not be governing or limiting any health choices in a free America. Remember the rumors of death panels with Obamacare? Wasn't that the arugment from the right then? Or the vaccine mandate so many of my friends hated and protested against with their temporary Facebook statuses?  Wasn’t that about medical freedom? Isn't this overturning of Roe vs. Wade the state controlling access to healthcare in a way? Just making you think. I get the unborn need a voice. I do get that too. Of course I do. My life’s work is teaching children. That’s about another 290 blogposts though.

I also am an English professor, with a Master's in English literature. So I have read A Handmaid's Tale. And I have watched some, not all, of the Hulu series. It’s honestly too dark for me, but they just took women's rights away in 2022 America, so maybe I should rewatch it. And yes, many Americans are not okay with this. I believe this is the first time in American history that the Supreme Court actually took rights away from us. 

No lie. I was in Walmart by the Dayton Mall in probably April of 2020, that time you know when everyone including myself was hoarding toilet paper, meat, and canned goods. I had this huge cart full of groceries. So did everyone else. People were so kind that day though, I remember. Then, the credit card machine and entire money system stopped working. And I literally thought, “oh my gosh Margaret Atwood predicted this.” I was afraid they took our money away. That happens to women in A Handmaid's Tale. So, call us paranoid, but to the people who have watched this or read this novella, Atwood sadly seems propehetic and we are terrified of what they will take away from women or men or Americans in general next?  

I have to go into my classroom in a few weeks and face these young women, majority of whom are also Catholic,  and know that I had more rights than they do. And this to me is very, very sad. See Women's Rights are Human Rights. 

So, I am not pro abortion; however, I am pro freedom and women and children. And I also know that systemic oppression exists and there is a huge correlation between it and abortion. And I also know that when abortion is legal, women actually have LESS or is it FEWER - sorry other English profs —  that one always gets me. And I also know that abortion is still going to happen now, just not legally or safely in the states that ban it. 

So please don't call everyone who sees this is a completely complicated issue as pro abortion.  When it was said to me, I called the person out and said you know that is just cruel. But that is the state of America right now. Somehow the rhetoric has just become cruel. The cruelest I’ve ever seen I’m my 49 years. Gosh I wonder how that happened? Just kidding. With a PhD in leadership, I pray daily the right leader emerges very soon. These years of madness need to go. No offense, but okay boomers who are in their eighties running for political positions- please don’t. Time to retire. 

Some people may be pro abortion I guess. The current state of humanity never fails to surprise me. I’m not sure I know any who identify that way though. But the majority probably do not. We just want women and all people to have autonomy, as no one really knows what another life is going through, ever. And who are you or me to judge? That’s God’s job and he forgives us anyway. At least that’s what I have been taught and believe. 

But I am just over this red/blue divide. I am neither. I am not red. I am not blue. If anything, I'm purple. The church's teachings are both red and blue. Half of the Catholics are Republican and half of them are Democrat. President Biden is Catholic, although my Catholic circle refuses to accept that fact.  Let's start a Purple Party. The Purple Party for Freedom. Our flag is both red and blue.  Most Americans are purple. We cannot let these extremes divide us and take us down as a nation. It is time to put our country first again, above these extreme party lines. My conservative friends don't like that I'm so liberal. My liberal friends think I am too conservative and not liberal enough. It is so bizarre. I have never voted down party lines. Ever. I always vote on people and issues. But I am so over you party over country people. If we keep on this trajectory, we won't have a country to fight for anymore. 

I do, as an American, believe in freedom. And we need to fight for all of our freedoms. We cannot keep letting both sides take them away.  We need freedom of speech. We need religious freedom, and we need freedom in healthcare. And that my friends is putting country over party.  Keep our freedoms to remain free. Maybe that's really what people are fighting about. Maybe we are all actually more alike than different. 

I’m divorced and have a gay child and am Catholic?

So I teach at a Catholic university and was raised Catholic. When I teach my students from the Compendium for Catholic Social Doctrine, I tell them that I stay in the Church because I believe in their fundamental teachings, which I do for the most part. The family as the vital cell. Respect for all life. All life has dignity. Love Mother Earth. Distributive Justice. Help the poor. Be political.

But as people who know me know, I have never colored very well within the lines. See, I love that the word Catholic means universal, and for the most part I buy that the church tries to be this, except for the educated feminist in me who also sees it as a patriarchal government system - a construct created by man.

Do I love Jesus? Heck yes! I love Jesus. What is not to love about Jesus Christ? I tell my college students all of the time that of all the philosophers whom I have studied, Jesus makes the most sense. He does. I love the guy. My best friend has just now found Christ. My friend literally called me to discuss this yesterday. I was so honored that of all the Christians he knows, he called me about questions.  I told him Jesus was like the first hippie. Jesus may  actually be why I probably started following the Grateful Dead. Just a joke, kind of. No disrespect meant. Jerry and Jesus probably would hit it off up in heaven.But sometimes I think Jesus would not agree with the current state of affairs in American Christendom.

But what do you do with a church that really is not universal, when they say they are? I have read St. Thomas Aquinas’s “Natural Law, ” but Sorry Fathers, I have some critiques. Sorry mom. Sorry to my Jesuit-trained department chair. You wanted me to get my PhD. I did. This is what happens.

So natural law places men over women? And places heterosexuality over homosexuality? Well if God created us in his own image, what about my gay child? Jesus never one time talked about homosexuality as a sin. The Old Testament did in Leviticus, and also said don’t wear a garment made out of two different fabrics.  I also teach and believe that God made us in their own image, and God doesn’t make mistakes.

I guess I’ll still be Catholic and divorced with a gay child, but honestly some of you Catholics make me wonder. If you are gonna be the universal church then do it. Don’t exclude, which currently the church still does. At least I teach at a Marianist Catholic university with like minded Catholics. But I constantly have to remind people in my life that Fox News is not the Church nor is the Republican Party. And Oh yeah, in America we are supposed to have religious freedom. People have literally told me that the appreciate Catholics for not enforcing our views or religion on them. I apologize that the Supreme Court and nation have now. I am honestly kind of embarrassed by this fact. And we need to take a step back as Catholics and really think about how far we are gonna let this go. I still believe in a Universal Church, but I also believe in a free democracy. I believe my gay child should be accepted fully for who they are. And although the majority of my church was beyond supportive during my very difficult divorce, I can assure that mom who starts rumors that I am trying to steal your husbands at the bowling alley is a lunatic. Ladies, I guarantee that is NOT happening. I do believe in Christ and try to truly follow him. I just ask that more Catholics do also. Peace.