I may use this title for a book someday, so don't steal it or I will sue. Just kidding, sorta. :)
I am gonna start writing about my own recovery journey with the hopes of helping others. I am a month sober today. I am not new to the world of recovery. But this is the first time, I admitted that I have the disease of alcoholism/addiction and tried to get sober. I also am a codependent. My first stint at recovery was for codependency. I quit drinking to help someone I love get sober and support them. This time though, this is for me. What a difference this makes. Last time, I was so resentful. The resentment actually ended the relationship. I have to own my part. They were no angel, but I was really resentful. That is no way to live. This time, I am feeling so grateful. That is such an important life lesson learned.
See, I used to catastrophize everything as a younger person. But being fifty now, I know and have experienced the paradox that some of the worst things you live through actually become huge blessings. I know. Life is crazy. But I have learned this important life lesson. So although I hit bottom and smacked my head hard, I am trying to see the blessings because sobriety is the biggest gift you can give yourself.
I fell off the wagon about five years ago after a divorce. I was newly single and socially awkward again. I was drinking at the bars to meet people. Meet people I did. I was the life of the party often. But, I was dying inside. Here's some advice I hope someone will heed. I don't think you are going to meet your future lifepartner at a bar. I met great people. I actually had a blast, sometimes. I had terrible nights others. But, I don't think I have met my lifepartnter yet. I have had some wonderful reason and season people, but still waiting for the lifetime one. I don't know. I do know I am complicated and maybe I am meant to be a solo artist. Time will tell. I know this first year of sobriety I am supposed to focus on me and this disease and how to manage it as best as I can.
I have been sober about a month. I feel so much physically better. I wake up early. I am sleeping better. I am sure I am a better mom. That is a definite. I am probably also a better friend, teacher, everything. I used to have chest pains (after Covid). Those seem to be gone. I have way less heartburn. One month makes a huge difference in healing our bodies.
Today, I am in a great mood. No headache. I have energy. I can get off the couch. I am not angry. So mentally, today at least, there seems to be some healing going on. I do understand that this is a one day at a time thing. And yes, my moods do change. So yeah just for today. Here's to emotional sobriety.
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