So, like my post two days ago said, I have been in recovery before. I do firmly believe that alcoholism is a disease. They know there is a genetic component. There is a debate if we should use the word allergy. All I know is that my body does not respond to alcohol the way that other people's bodies do. I have one drink and it is like a disability. I cannot stop. I don't have the capacity to have one drink, or two. I ended up having five. Or more.
Another crazy thing about alcoholism is that alcohol makes me so sick. I mean sick for days. I have headaches. I throw up. I get extremely depressed. I cannot get out of bed. Lately, I got so very angry (for valid reasons, but most people do not categorize me as an angry person. Alcohol brought out that demon though. Sorry.) Yet, for some unknown reason, I always go back for more. That is crazy. As Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." But see alcoholics are addicted. We want that buzz again. That high. The first hit of that chemical to the brain, and you feel good for the first time all day. The pain is gone. It doesn't matter how sick we get after. We are always chasing that buzz. We are always killing that pain.
So why be so honest? First, that is just how I roll. I tell my students I think it is because I'm a writer. People trust us most when we are our authentic selves, especially with writing (This is why AI won't ever replace humans). Well in my years in recovery prior to my latest and long relapse, I learned somewhere that sick family systems have four rules:
1) Don't talk.
2) Don't tell.
3) Don't trust.
4) Don't feel.
I don't have a degree in Sociology or Counseling. My degree is in Leadership, so I took many organizational theory classes. So I am going to apply the dysfunctional family system to organizations too. See part of the reason I am in this mess has to deal with how institutions handled major life events that occurred to me. Sick and dysfunctional organizations have the same issues that dysfunctional families do. They have these same rules. "Don't Talk." "Don't Tell." "Don't Trust." "Don't Feel."
But I know if I am really going to heal, I have to break those rules. Healthy people do talk. It is okay to tell your story. In fact, I am an English professor with a literature masters. I love stories. I am a qualitative researcher. Tell your story. Talk to others about it. Get it out there, out of the secrecy and into the light.
Jesus taught in stories you know.
Trust is a hard one right - especially after your trust has been violated? I have had this happen too many times. But in healthy relationships anywhere including families and workplaces -- in any human relationships -- trust is paramount for healthy communication.
As for feeling, well that's a tricky one too. Our society is not very good with this. I am not very good with this. Feeling all the feels is hard work. Plus I know I feel things more deeply than others. I have one of those melancholy, artistic souls. I feel sooooooo deeply. Too deeply. That's why I was drinking so much. That is why all my friends were too.
We all just collectively endured the pandemic. We all have suffered trauma. It is hard to feel all the feels right? So many people were drinking during the pandemic and started such a bad habit. Heck, the entire state of Ohio did "Wine with DeWine" at 2pm daily. Schools and universities were closed, but liquor stores and dispensaries were considered "Essential Businesses." Heck, you could order up to four alcoholic drinks through Door Dash to come directly from a restaurant with a liquor license to your front door.
Well, I am sick. I have this disease. But I am going to try to be healthy. So I am going to talk, tell, trust (okay that is one is really hard for me, but I will keep trying), and feel (also a tough one since I was self medicating and numbing for two years). Here is to healthy systems. Break the stigma and patterns. Break the generational curses. Sober is the new sexy!
Saliente!
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