New beginnings

My mom said something very smart to me once. See I am a teacher. She said, "you know you are going to get so close to them and have to always say goodbye." Like most things, she is totally right. But one of the biggest blessings of teaching is that every fall it is a totally new beginning. 

I am one of those lucky, I guess, people who knew my vocation very early. I always wanted to be a teacher. And everyone always wanted me to teach. Every time I think about leaving, I get pulled back into it. Oddly, that usually comes from a former student. It is just this thing about my life. A huge blessing. Huge. But also a lot. It is my life's work. 

I love teaching. It has been very hard these last few years though. I am a little burned out. Teachers get burned out. I am not saying anything surprising or insulting. It's a tough, tough job. Go do it. We need teachers.  I just read bell hooks who agrees teachers need a break and to switch things up. This is why teachers need sabbaticals - to recharge. Geoffrey Canada also agrees. 

I am older. It is harder to get names - with the mask forget about it. Many of my students dress alike to begin with, and add in the winter hat and coat, well I am in trouble.  I also do not like online grading. Covid stink. The economy stink. Their mental health is challenging. And these politics....and the threats to this career and the curriculum...truly terrifying. Thank goodness I teach college. These public ed teachers need our support. But I digress.  See I stay in it and so do they because on some very magical days in the classroom somehow that all goes away and for approximately an hour we can get lost in the life of the mind. And that is sacred to me and the students.  

This year is another new beginning, and hopefully I will get the magic back. This year is the craziest one yet because my daughter will be on campus with me. This is really one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me. I am so glad she has decided to study on our campus. 

But man, I better be a good teacher this year then! No pressure there. 

I'm off to do an author study on Parker Palmer. Hopefully lhe will speak to me. He always does. 

So here's to new backpacks, autumn leaves, and new beginnings with brilliant students!  Have a wonderful academic year. You got this teach :)!

God Provides

So I have a diagnosed and managed anxiety disorder. I am not alone in this. I know many of my students do also. Hey - I think if you don't have one these days, you are pretty lucky - it is kind of an anxious time. Can't blame us for being human. 

But one thing  that I have learned in my 49 years on this planet is that somehow, no matter what your situation, God provides. It always somehow works out. So why do we stress? Let it go. Just let that stress go. It will work out my friend. I usually does. And if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be and God has a better plan for you. 

See this is something I am learning still, but God's time is not our time. But both God's planning and timing are way better than ours.  

I have heard the saying that anxiety is fearing the future, and depression is living in the past. I think there is some truth in that statement (sorry I do not know to whom to attribute it). I am a Christian, but I am also into Buddhism, (I mean a philosophy that says all of life is suffering must have some wisdom to it). Anyway, I am trying to be more Zen about life. I am not in control. You are not in control. The more I try to control, the worse my life seems to get. I am just trying to relinquish the reigns and let God or the Universe take over. I am trying to be more mindful and present and live in the moment. 

See, the thing about time is that it is relative. And it seems to me that the older I get, the faster it goes. I know my kids are getting bigger. I have to enjoy every moment of their childhoods that I can because they are more than half way through them, and one is an adult! I spent so much time as a mother worrying - about bills, about houses, about keeping up with the obnoxious Jones. I am done doing that. I am going to try to instead count the blessings that I have in front of me and show gratitude for them. This though is sometimes hard. But as Glennon Doyle says, "We can do hard things."

So if you are feeling anxious about the start of the school year, the economy, the politics, etc. try to let that go. Remember we are not in charge. God provides. Just let her. 

Besties

So I have been single for about five years, after being with my husband for like 21 years or something. It has been a ride. I have had a ton of fun. Too much. But one thing that has gotten me through is my group of friends. 

So I have the best friends. I don't really know what I would do without them. They are there for me through thick and thin. They don't judge. They just love me unconditionally. And for that I am so blessed. 

See, I think I have been looking at this all wrong. I like am a romatic at heart. I have always looked for this person "to complete me." I want and still want for real a Mr. Darcy, but I instead always end up with Heathcliffs or worse Wickhams.  But one thing I have learned, is that I am a full person on my own, and I don't need anyone else to complete me. I have a very full and complete life, with three beautiful children with whom I really enjoy spending time. I don't need a person to complete me. My life is beyond complete. I have a hard time keeping up with it a lot of days. 

What I do need are real friends: people who see me at my worst and love me anyway. People who don't get jealous when I am at my best either. People who celebrate my success and mourn my losses. And thank God, I have these. Some are in my family and have  been my lifelong friends. Some are from my old neighborhood. One was the best friend I ever made on Craig's List when she rented my home. Some have adopted me into their own neighborhood, where I have actually never lived. Most though, are from my church. And I have some very special people from my work. And those of you from Michigan or college, this is why I love Facebook. We are still together daily. 

Anyway, I just want you all to know that I feel very blessed if you call me your friend. I could not make it through life without you. You complete me :).  And as I get older and now am rewatching The Golden Girls for its brilliance -- Thank you for being a friend. And yes, I am like Blanche's age. Long Live Blanche Deveraux! 

Radical Love

 So it took me a decade to earn my doctorate. During that time, I also raised one toddler and had two more pregnancies and infants. I got divorced (70 percent of female PhDs do sadly), rehabbed and sold two 100 year old houses, lost my father, defended a beast of a disseration study,  helped my ex recover from a triple bypass after a heartattack, and survived just a brutal custody battle. So I got a little burned out and haven't been writing. But I am back now. I love to write, but I just needed a minute. 

So I have made a deal with myself that I have to write a blog post at least one a week for the next calendar year. I have recently sent off some articles, so that is going to equally be of importance, but the main idea of this is I just have to write. I don't care what I am writing. I am most happy and balanced in my life when I write. 

Today, I am writing about the need for radical love for this nation. I am asking anyone reading this - that means you - to embrace this concept that what America, and the entire globe for that matter, needs right now more than anything is radical love. Love thy neighbor, even if it is hard. Sometimes I know it is very hard. But we have all endured a very difficult few years with COVID, the economy, isolation, the war, the gas prices, and the political divide. We are a mess. We are all lonely. A million Americans have died. Many are isolated. We don't need any more social media or any media dividing us. It is time to come from a place of love. 

See the older I get, the more I truly believe everyone is doing the best that they can. Do we make mistakes? Heck yes. I am queen of mistakes and typos and it all. But I can tell you, that just like everyone else, I really am trying to do the best that I can all of the time. Sometimes that best is not the best. I mean I have survived a lot of trauma as of late, but I still am trying. We all are. 

So instead of seeing your fellow Americans or any global citizen for that matter as your opposition and enemy, it is time for radical love. 

Radically love them, even if they are so different than you. Because in the end, they really are not that different than you. We are all human beings doing the best that we can. We are all enduring this pandemic, this economy, and this tortuous political divide. 

So stop with the hate. It is getting us nowhere. Give love a try. I don't mean to sound cliche, but it really is the only way. It is the only way to heal this nation and world. Let love rule. 

Oh How I Wish Again that I Was in Michigan

I started this blog years ago, when Detroit was going through a hard time. I thought it needed better PR. Luckily, Detroit has made a comeback and is looking amazing. The whole state is. I just got to spend two weeks up there almost and it was fantastic. 

I started in Metro Detroit in Farmington Hills. We visited Carpenter Lake in Southfield, where there are all these boulders for people to climb. It was very cool. My son loved climbing on them, and we all loved hiking in the forest and seeing the lake. 

The next stop four more hours up 75N to Boyne Mountain. It was also amazing. We were at the Lodge for two days. My youngest son and I immediately rode the chairlift to the top of the mountain and had a drink at the Eagle's Nest. Then we explored the village. It was so fun. He found a candy store, and we had some refreshments at the pub. We both really want to move there someday.  That night, we had dinner at the Beach House near Deer Lake. I got the club sandwhich. It was yummy. It was my cousin's birthday. There was a musician playing a guitar. We intially wanted to sit outside, but it was too windy. So, we moved inside and the ambiance was lovely. We finished the night roasting s'mores on the fire near the lodge, where people also play cornhole and frisbee on the lawn. 

The next day, we took the younger kids to the Avalanche Bay water park. That was super fun. We had pizza and nachos there. We loved the lazy river, hot tub, and basketballs. Then we went to Boyne Vineyards for happy hour. That is a lovely place between Petosky and Boyne Mountain. There were the cutest dogs. I had a cider with my cousin, and others drank their wine. We ordered charcuterie boards. One of the dogs snagged a piece of our bacon. He was very sly about it. :) They had this awesome duo playing guitars,  and they even sang Willie Nelson’s "Momma's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys" —  a family favorite. 

That night we had pizza at the Trophy Room, outside on their deck. We have a gluten allergy in our family, so we were happy to be able to order Gluten free pizza! I kept running into the bar to watch The Basketball Tournament. The Red Scare was playing. 

The next day, started with ziplining. I cannot believe I did that. At 49, I ziplined for the very first time. I had watched my family do this for the past decade, but I could never go becaue I was always either pregnant or taking care of children. So this time, my kids were all finally old enough that we could all go. But I was a little scared. I turn fifty on my next birthday and have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. But my boys were not taking no for an answer. So I had to do it. I threw on my son's jeans, and did it. Wow was it amazing. 

We had an awesome guide. I think her name was Emma. Then the two other guides were amazing. One was majoring in English at Petosky Community College, and I said, hey maybe I can teach there someday! I was the only one from my generation to zipline this trip, and I really enjoyed being with my cousin's children. 

Then we went to Lake Charlevoix. We all swam and rode boats. It was a great party. Charelvoix is also beautiful. We saw Betsy DeVoss's home on the Lake. Wow. Some goregous homes. 

The next day, the boys and I drove  east across the state to Lake Huron to Presque Isle. It was equally as beautiful. There is a lighthouse there and a quaint one-stop shop. We were there four days. We went to the NOAA shipwreck museum in Alpena. That was very cool. They had the neatest earth projection movie spinning on the ceiling of an exhibit. The show was about the devastating effects of climate change. They also had this giant boat and somehow on dry land they managed to get me seasick. 

I did set a new goal from that visit. You can scubadive for shipwrecks up there. That sounds amazing to me. But I bet that is some cold water. 

We went to the beach in Presque Isle and just relaxed. I slept on a hammock. I read a book. It was just magical. I kayaked on Lake Huron. I also floated on a giant raft. It was a really beautiful week up there. We laid on the beach. I am so glad we went. 

Driving home we took the backroads down Northern Michigan until we hit 75/23. Gosh Michigan is truly beautiful. There is so much untouched natural beauty, and the water is amazing. Lake Huron was crystal clear. I did lose my Rae Dunn "Blessed" Hat in that lake, but hopefully someone will find it. 

I am very happy to be home but that was really an amazing vacation. Thanks for everyone who was a part of it. What precious memories for a lifetime. 

Time to put country over party

You know this past month has been kinda bizarre in my life. See I was born in 1973, and thank God my mom is a Catholic and is prolife because if not, I might not have been born. See that is about when abortion became legal in the United States. I was definitley an oops. I am 17 years younger than my eldest sibling and the sibling closest to may age is nine years my senior. Then I came. Ooops. And aboriton has also been legal my entire life. 

In June, when it was overturned, I went through a kind of disbelief. My friend Jamie also told me she was going through a similar depression. I think many people were. 

I was like holy crap, everything I just feared would happen to this country since 2015 has begun. See I saw this coming way back then, when Trump ran for president. I knew that the prolife voters would put him in office, as they did. I also knew he'd appoint conservative justices and that this could possibly happen, and it did. It really had happened. I was not some leftist lunatic all those years. I actually knew this was coming, and it came. I was just paying attention. People we all need to pay better attention.

See I think abortion is upsetting on many levels. Up until I was thirty, I identified as prolife. I almost protested a few times even. But then I had a student go through something before my eyes of which she had no control. Well this experienced changed me forever. I had a spiritual epiphany, and I learned I would never judge anyone on this issue ever again because sometimes I simply just had no clue and did not know what was really going on, and really, it was none of my business. 

I also teach college-aged women. One in three of them are raped. One in three: 33 percent. Mostly by people they know. This has changed me. Why in America and higher ed do we allow our women to be the most harmed by sexual violence in our country other than transgender people? (That stat is 1 in 2).  I am never going to be okay with this. Never. And I will work to change this for the rest of my life. College-aged women should not be the most harmed in our society. That is so beyond screwed up and totally shows how much work we have to do in the phallic ivory tower. 

I have been teaching for 27 years, both high school and college. Never once in my time as a teacher has any young person come to me for counsel for an unwanted pregnancy. See they know that I would say have the baby and put it up for adoption. So if they are even considering an abortion, they don't come to me. I am on facutly at a Catholic University, and even just with my Business Writing class I went off on a tangent about how abortion disproportionately  affects minorities and the racist history of Planned Parenthood and eugenics and Margaret Sanger. Sorry Feminist and liberal friends - see I told you I was a huge prolifer til 30. I know the prolife side too. And they aren't wrong on some of it. 

A sidenote Planned Parenthood should just start over with a new name like Women's Health. But I digress. 

With that said, I don't judge the women in my life who have shared their stories. Who am I to judge? I had an ectopic pregnancy at 26. We were married. I wanted this baby. It was also 9/11. There was no baby. Even the church understood this. America should then. 

Of course that changed me. I hated that that happened to me, but now I think it gives me a degree of empathy for women that I would not otherwise have. I wanted that baby. I even named him. I am not sure if it would have been a male or female, but to me I named him Michael, my favorite name.  And hopefully I have a baby in heaven. He would be 21 today. And I mourn this more than you would think, and it's been two decades. I think all women mourn a death of their child their entire life. All women. 

Anyway, I digress. So this month has been so bizarre because I've been kind of attacked. Two of my best friends literally kicked me out of a car for not supporting Trump. I was on one of my tirades about the future for women in America. And yes, I was saying that Trump put the current Supreme Court in. One said, "I will kick you the F$%* out of my car if you don't shut up." Nice friend huh? I have since found out she is very sick, so I forgive her and am praying for her. I am a real best friend.  In the days of Uber and cell phones, kicking one out of a car is not as big of a threat as it might have once been. I opened the door and just walked out onto Wilmington Pike. Why are people so angry? I'd never kick a friend out of my car for not agreeing with me politically. That is insane.  I walked to Elsa's on the Border for dinner and actually made a friend there. I got myself home safely. 

Then, the guy I was seeing heard this story, and we literally broke up over it. That's an entirely different blog post though about this heart of mine that keeps breaking. Damn you Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big. 

Then, a male I graduated from my doctoral program with whom I thought was my friend, went in total disrespect mode. I will leave it at that. In one of his tirades, he no lie screamed at me about my domestic duties. What? He said he was yelling at me about professional matters - that I should be publishing more, which I guess I am thankful for that he believes in me and is challenging and pushing me -- but then why is he bringing up my domestic duties? This is surreal stuff people. Surreal. 

And most recently I have been told that I am pro abortion and that someone else is praying that I make it to heaven. What? I am not pro abortion. I have never one time identifed myself that way or called myself that or posted about being pro abortion. Those are loaded words. In fact, true story - I couldn't vote for Obama the second time because at the DNC that year there were pro abortion signs from Planned Parenthood, and I just could never support those words. 

I do, however, believe women and children need proper healthcare. And for this I will fight. 

See this is not a black and white issue. It is not a blanket issue, where it all fits nightly under one cover. This is an extremely complicated issue, and I just do not think this one size fits all is the answer.  

This is an either or fallacy. Derrida says that language creates this. Although life is not binary, language uses the binary to explain things. But the thing is the binary is too limiting. If a person is 5 ft 6, are they tall or short? They are neither. See why the binary doesn't work. Derrida blames this on the limitations of human language. Perhaps he is right. But it's time to stop this either or binary thinking. I always tell my students, there is a lot of grey matter. Use it. It's called your brain. 

It is just too complicated. Only doctors and women and yes men together should make decisions. Yes men should have a say. Yes men should be both fathers and l dads!!!!!! The state should not be governing or limiting any health choices in a free America. Remember the rumors of death panels with Obamacare? Wasn't that the arugment from the right then? Or the vaccine mandate so many of my friends hated and protested against with their temporary Facebook statuses?  Wasn’t that about medical freedom? Isn't this overturning of Roe vs. Wade the state controlling access to healthcare in a way? Just making you think. I get the unborn need a voice. I do get that too. Of course I do. My life’s work is teaching children. That’s about another 290 blogposts though.

I also am an English professor, with a Master's in English literature. So I have read A Handmaid's Tale. And I have watched some, not all, of the Hulu series. It’s honestly too dark for me, but they just took women's rights away in 2022 America, so maybe I should rewatch it. And yes, many Americans are not okay with this. I believe this is the first time in American history that the Supreme Court actually took rights away from us. 

No lie. I was in Walmart by the Dayton Mall in probably April of 2020, that time you know when everyone including myself was hoarding toilet paper, meat, and canned goods. I had this huge cart full of groceries. So did everyone else. People were so kind that day though, I remember. Then, the credit card machine and entire money system stopped working. And I literally thought, “oh my gosh Margaret Atwood predicted this.” I was afraid they took our money away. That happens to women in A Handmaid's Tale. So, call us paranoid, but to the people who have watched this or read this novella, Atwood sadly seems propehetic and we are terrified of what they will take away from women or men or Americans in general next?  

I have to go into my classroom in a few weeks and face these young women, majority of whom are also Catholic,  and know that I had more rights than they do. And this to me is very, very sad. See Women's Rights are Human Rights. 

So, I am not pro abortion; however, I am pro freedom and women and children. And I also know that systemic oppression exists and there is a huge correlation between it and abortion. And I also know that when abortion is legal, women actually have LESS or is it FEWER - sorry other English profs —  that one always gets me. And I also know that abortion is still going to happen now, just not legally or safely in the states that ban it. 

So please don't call everyone who sees this is a completely complicated issue as pro abortion.  When it was said to me, I called the person out and said you know that is just cruel. But that is the state of America right now. Somehow the rhetoric has just become cruel. The cruelest I’ve ever seen I’m my 49 years. Gosh I wonder how that happened? Just kidding. With a PhD in leadership, I pray daily the right leader emerges very soon. These years of madness need to go. No offense, but okay boomers who are in their eighties running for political positions- please don’t. Time to retire. 

Some people may be pro abortion I guess. The current state of humanity never fails to surprise me. I’m not sure I know any who identify that way though. But the majority probably do not. We just want women and all people to have autonomy, as no one really knows what another life is going through, ever. And who are you or me to judge? That’s God’s job and he forgives us anyway. At least that’s what I have been taught and believe. 

But I am just over this red/blue divide. I am neither. I am not red. I am not blue. If anything, I'm purple. The church's teachings are both red and blue. Half of the Catholics are Republican and half of them are Democrat. President Biden is Catholic, although my Catholic circle refuses to accept that fact.  Let's start a Purple Party. The Purple Party for Freedom. Our flag is both red and blue.  Most Americans are purple. We cannot let these extremes divide us and take us down as a nation. It is time to put our country first again, above these extreme party lines. My conservative friends don't like that I'm so liberal. My liberal friends think I am too conservative and not liberal enough. It is so bizarre. I have never voted down party lines. Ever. I always vote on people and issues. But I am so over you party over country people. If we keep on this trajectory, we won't have a country to fight for anymore. 

I do, as an American, believe in freedom. And we need to fight for all of our freedoms. We cannot keep letting both sides take them away.  We need freedom of speech. We need religious freedom, and we need freedom in healthcare. And that my friends is putting country over party.  Keep our freedoms to remain free. Maybe that's really what people are fighting about. Maybe we are all actually more alike than different. 

I’m divorced and have a gay child and am Catholic?

So I teach at a Catholic university and was raised Catholic. When I teach my students from the Compendium for Catholic Social Doctrine, I tell them that I stay in the Church because I believe in their fundamental teachings, which I do for the most part. The family as the vital cell. Respect for all life. All life has dignity. Love Mother Earth. Distributive Justice. Help the poor. Be political.

But as people who know me know, I have never colored very well within the lines. See, I love that the word Catholic means universal, and for the most part I buy that the church tries to be this, except for the educated feminist in me who also sees it as a patriarchal government system - a construct created by man.

Do I love Jesus? Heck yes! I love Jesus. What is not to love about Jesus Christ? I tell my college students all of the time that of all the philosophers whom I have studied, Jesus makes the most sense. He does. I love the guy. My best friend has just now found Christ. My friend literally called me to discuss this yesterday. I was so honored that of all the Christians he knows, he called me about questions.  I told him Jesus was like the first hippie. Jesus may  actually be why I probably started following the Grateful Dead. Just a joke, kind of. No disrespect meant. Jerry and Jesus probably would hit it off up in heaven.But sometimes I think Jesus would not agree with the current state of affairs in American Christendom.

But what do you do with a church that really is not universal, when they say they are? I have read St. Thomas Aquinas’s “Natural Law, ” but Sorry Fathers, I have some critiques. Sorry mom. Sorry to my Jesuit-trained department chair. You wanted me to get my PhD. I did. This is what happens.

So natural law places men over women? And places heterosexuality over homosexuality? Well if God created us in his own image, what about my gay child? Jesus never one time talked about homosexuality as a sin. The Old Testament did in Leviticus, and also said don’t wear a garment made out of two different fabrics.  I also teach and believe that God made us in their own image, and God doesn’t make mistakes.

I guess I’ll still be Catholic and divorced with a gay child, but honestly some of you Catholics make me wonder. If you are gonna be the universal church then do it. Don’t exclude, which currently the church still does. At least I teach at a Marianist Catholic university with like minded Catholics. But I constantly have to remind people in my life that Fox News is not the Church nor is the Republican Party. And Oh yeah, in America we are supposed to have religious freedom. People have literally told me that the appreciate Catholics for not enforcing our views or religion on them. I apologize that the Supreme Court and nation have now. I am honestly kind of embarrassed by this fact. And we need to take a step back as Catholics and really think about how far we are gonna let this go. I still believe in a Universal Church, but I also believe in a free democracy. I believe my gay child should be accepted fully for who they are. And although the majority of my church was beyond supportive during my very difficult divorce, I can assure that mom who starts rumors that I am trying to steal your husbands at the bowling alley is a lunatic. Ladies, I guarantee that is NOT happening. I do believe in Christ and try to truly follow him. I just ask that more Catholics do also. Peace.